Entitlement. The word has been coming up a lot lately in my life or examples of it have been rearing their ugly heads. Since it has been pushed to the forefront, I am guessing that the "choir" is trying to teach me a lesson. The most recent event is making me evaluate my own sense of entitlement. I am sure we all have it and pay attention to it one time or another in our lives.
The first time I saw this was about a week and a half ago. I was home at normal time, turned on the TV for some background noise and ended up not being able to find anything to watch. As I was flipping through the channels, I ran across Inside the Actors Studio: Michelle Pfeiffer. It was the last few minutes of answering questions and then her answer to the famous questionnaire. Her answer to "what word do you hate the most ?": Entitlement. And she goes on to explain how entitlement keeps people from doing their best work, or their best at anything and that all things should be about achievement. (I had always thought she was one of the most attractive women in Hollywood, but after hearing her speak, I just have to say, "look at the brain on Michelle!". She has totally got to be one of the hottest women around.)
Fast forward to last night, I was surfing channels again and started watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS. I usually tune into his shows when they are on for a few minutes here and there because what he has to say rings really true to me. Last night, he was discussing the Tao Te Ching. A major component was to throw away your sense of entitlement and increase your life of giving. Many who know me know that the Tao means a lot to me and has for a long time.
In between those two goal posts, there have been instances of friends bringing up issues and arguments that really just boil down to entitlements. I deserve this or that. I have worked for it and now I deserve it.
For those of you that don't know me, I have no right to bitch or complain about my life. Everyday, I try to remember to thank the Great Spirit for everything I have. I make good money. I have a great wife who truly is a best friend, and no one could ask for a better partner to have in the foxhole of life. (Christopher Titus said it best, "She is my swiss army wife. She is everything I need.") I live in good neighborhood, and have all the material objects that realistically I could ever want or really need. I have a friends that care and dare say love me and a family that is better than any other.
So, what is all the hub-bub about? Well, this past week, my company got merged/sold/acquired or something. In the process, my options got vested and bonus' were given. Quite frankly, I wish they had just kept it. The time, sweat, blood and money that I have put into the company(8 years of calendar time, probably 12 years of my life) I think is worth a little more than $50/month. As one fellow employee said, "if we had gotten even 3% raises the past 5 years, we would be better off." Once they had actually put a value on the work I have done and the time taken out of my life for it, it is like a slap in the face.
So my question is: Is this an Entitlement? Do I have a right to grouse about it or feel shorted?
It is hard to see the guys who are getting like a factor of 10 more than me, saying that it is all going to be great. Some would say that the money was better than a sharp stick in the eye or not having a job after the company was merged into a larger organization. I am not so sure. In a way, it makes me think about all the inequities involved. At first, I saw that the money that had been set aside for bonuses was substantial, so my thought was that we will all be getting a decent bonus at least. I got roughly 10% of an even division of the bonus money. I am sure there are others out there that got substantially more. Probably the same individuals that ended up on the not-so-short end of the stick in the first place.
Will the merger be good for future business? yes. Will it help both companies grow and become a more formidable force in business? yes. Am I happy about this? sure. Will it help me in the long run? Probably not. As always in business, it feels like it will be good for everyone else.
So, the place I arrived at today was complacence. Why can't I just accept it, say thank you and move on? Because I feel Entitled to something more. but am I? really?
I think I will just resolve to quit bitching, post this, and say thank you everyday for the really important stuff in my life.
2 comments:
Wow. When you go swimming, you skip right past the shallow end, and go diving deep. Nice post! Here are my thoughts.
Paris Hilton is the ultimate example of someone that carries lots of entitlement. She hasn't earned a damn thing, but feels that she should have it all.
You've put in tons of time at work. You've EARNED a reward that was much larger than what you have received. Someone that has earned something should get it, but it's different than being entitled to it. You did something (and continue to do it), so you should reap the benefits of your hard work.
As far as being complacent goes, I don't feel that you are the type of person that is complacent with what you have. You have a drive to do everything in the best possible manner, and this drive shows in everything that you do. I've always been impressed with what you've accomplished. From day 1 of working with you over 7 years ago, I was impressed with your abilities. Actually, the word "impressed" is too weak. It was more of an awe.
When you gave the class on email flow and how MTAs work, I knew that I had to pay sharp attention because what you were teaching was very important. I still have those notes here in my office! Yep. They're still around. Because of that class and a "few" years of experience, I am now able to give that same class to people without any preparation. I can just jump in and start teaching... Most of that is thanks to you.
I don't think that you'll ever be the type of person that feels entitled. When you want something, you work towards getting it. That's effort. That's work. That's earning it.
"Blind Man: Buddha once sat before a wall, and when he arose he was enlightened.
Cord: Do you compare yourself with Buddha?
Blind Man: (chuckles) No. Only to the wall."
You used to introduce me to movies that you had seen and you thought I would really enjoy. When I was reading this, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about 'Circle of Iron'.
I always saw the movie as a laymans guide to the Tao. I assume there is so much more I am not getting, but I do remember you telling me over and over that all knowledge comes from within. Such an easy thing to say, yet so amazingly difficult to understand (or at least I haven't yet as I still want). The important part about this I always thought was the person attempting to get to this.
Cord was shown as this bumbling brute who demanded what he was assured he deserved; the right to fight Zetan for the Book of Truth. Cord, I figured wasn't in it so much for the book as he was to get the chance to test his martial arts on what he thought was to the be ultimate opponent. But like all good stories, the seeker learns what he REALLY needed.
"Blind Man: What did you see in the book?
Cord: Everthing."
Cord actually had an easier time at this than you or I do, he was givin hard examples of the path. Do you remember this;
"Blind Man: Cord... each moment that passes changes you. You do not... cannot possess even yourself. How can you hope to possess anyone or anything else?"
Only the amazingly few true enlightened of us can claim to be pure of our weaknesses. So many people don't even uderstand they are even ON this path. The seekers ask questions of themselves, demand answers, look for changes. That is what makes them seekers. The end? Well, I also remember you telling me something else about the Tao; you have to accept your own life and destiny before you can be truly happy.
Asking this shows you are so far ahead of me on this journey. Do me a favor; when you get your flute come back and play for me..
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